A New Direction

With my new blog header and layout (what do you think? I am pretty proud of it) comes a new focus for my blog.  I want it to be more refined with definition and direction.  I want it to be themed with clear interest and passion.  I want it to inspire and awaken the enthusiasm in others.

I am tired of my little blog being left behind, the last thing on my list, it excites me, I find it both therapeutic and enjoyable as well as challenging.  It helps me to develop my thoughts, overcome my obstacles and to grow as a person, so for this reason I not only want to but MUST devote more time to it.

I want to create more posts on and about weddings and love stories, I love weddings, I love planning and I love LOVE.  I want to talk more about my travels and share the experiences I have had in places other than home. I want to help others to make travel decisions or get more out of their experiences.  I want to share tips and tricks on achievements that I have already accomplished, not that I am an expert but experience speaks for itself.  I want to post enough that I am not just always updating on my life but actually sharing something of value to others.  I want to create more photo posts, to take more photos.  I want to create so many more photo posts it's not funny, photos speak for themselves.

So there you have it, I am planning and setting goals, I am feeling inspired and I hope I can hold onto this inspiration.  I am feeling like I am able to achieve something that I really want to do and I refuse to let anything get in the way.  I promise you that you can expect positive change here at Hakuna Matata.  With a wedding post to come this weekend, stay tuned.

Talk soon,

P.S. some of my old posts might look a little wrong in the way of formatting until I re-edit them to my new blog size, be patient :) 

Pain Pain Go Away

I find myself apologising again, I haven't been blogging much lately. I have been a little sad :( So I apologise if the following is a little blunt, honest and negative but hey, why hide what is only human. With the promise of getting my wedding photos today I am feeling positive enough to actually try a little harder at being normal. 

My bag packed ready for hospital along with my brace.

A week ago today I had surgery to repair my medial collateral ligament in my right knee and boy did I have no idea of what I was in for. I had only seen the surgeon for a quick 15 minute diagnosis prior to seeing him in surgery and although I knew I would be off work for a week, I thought recovery would be a little easier! I arrived at Hobart Private Hospital with Alex at 7.30am on Wednesday 6 March 2013. We waited for over an hour in one waiting room and started to get a little concerned that they had taken everyone who had arrived before us and some who had arrived after us but not us. Neither of us are morning people so this was a tad annoying. Finally they called my name, I paid and off we went to level four, on level four we waited in another waiting room, I selected the items I wanted for tea that night and breakfast the next day. A nurse asked me a bunch of questions and took my pulse and blood pressure. We waited some more. I wasn't allowed to eat, drink or apply deodorant that day so I was getting very tired of this waiting game, I felt smelly, yucky and hungry and Alex hadn't eaten either so he was getting a little annoyed. I was also beginning to get nervous. My name was called and off we went into another room, I was given a bed and a robe, things were beginning to get real. Mum visited us because Dad had been admitted that morning as well. A young teenage boy came in with his mum and was holding back tears, he was so scared. They were going to send him in before me, I didn't mind, his fear made me start to get very scared. Scared of waking up from antiseptic in pain, scared of vomiting from antiseptic, scared of everything. I just wanted them to hurry up and take me and get it over with, I may have even had a little cry. Finally the anaesthetist spoke to me and soon after I was off to theatre. We had waited five long nervous hours. I remember laying in the operating room, looking around, a young lady talking to me about drinking and hangovers, the anaesthetist scoffing down some biscuits (god I wanted one of those biscuits), next thing I was drifting off thinking 'wait I want to finish this conversation'.

Me in my robe waiting on my bed, shitting myself on the inside.

An hour later I woke up in recovery, I immediately pulled the oxygen mask off my face, I slowly took everything in, looking around me at the other people recovering, working out that I was no longer in surgery, working out where my legs were. It took me a long time to work out if my knee was sore, my back and hips were killing me and my left leg was bent, I remember I didn't leave it like that before surgery, they must have bent it for me, that freaked me out. Then for some stupid reason I began to cry, the young male nurse asked if I was okay and then gave me pain killers through my drip and told me I have to tell him if something is wrong. I told him I couldn't help it I didn't know what was wrong and that I was just overwhelmed, he told me that the anaesthetic does that to people.  I was just glad it didn't make me vomit.

 My poor knee, I also hate having drips in my hand.

An hour later I was wheeled down to my room and Alex was waiting for me, I cried again. I cried a lot that day. Mum visited me again with flowers and pyjamas, I was a bit of a grumpy bum though and wasn't very grateful. My brother, sister-in-law and nephew visited me too, that was nice, it was nice to know people cared about me so much. Alex and mum both bought me chocolate, yay. I was sharing a room which didn't bother me too much, we were both recovering from surgery on our knees so could relate to each other but it did mean I didn't get much sleep that night. The nurse took my pulse and blood pressure every hour, my pulse was around 120, I was totally jogging on the inside. They put this down to anxiety. 

My bandage being redone on Friday.

The hospital food was pretty good. 

I wasn't allowed to get up until the next day which meant I had to pee in a pan, I had never done this before and with one leg out of action I had no idea how I was going to raise my body up to even get on the bloody pan, if only I was a man.  But I managed, it was horribly terrible but I survived. I drink so much water that I wee weed about six times over the course of one afternoon and one night. It didn't help that at least four of my nurses were all girls I had gone to school with, great I had to pee in a pan with the help of people I went to school with, could it get any more embarrassing. But I must say they were all so professional and lovely and made me feel very comfortable.

Our second more successful attempt at
stopping the bandage from getting wet.

The next day I went home, I received more flowers, yay! The last week has been a blur, I had to get my bandage redone at hospital as it became too wet in the shower, I have been on and off crutches and taking pain killers which have played havoc with my digestive system. Sleeping has sometimes been difficult and very uncomfortable. I was hoping to feel a lot better by now but things haven't improved much lately, the muscle in my leg hurts a lot and I still can't walk very much at all. I was told I probably wouldn't need my crutches after Monday but it's Wednesday and I still feel better with just one. I have to wear my brace for the next six to eight weeks. I am scared of physio, I know that it is going to hurt like buggery. I am supposed to go back to work tomorrow after I get the okay from my surgeon. I can't wait to see him and get some information about what is going on. I feel a little bit like I am failing as I am still using the crutches. I worry that maybe something is wrong or I haven't looked after it properly. I just did not anticipate that it would be this painful for this long.  Right now I don't feel emotionally strong enough to get through much else but I have to try to stay positive and remember that it will get better. 

Okay so I know that last paragraph is unbelievably negative and sad and I know there are plenty of other people in the world suffering a lot worse than I am, but this is just how I have felt of late. Some minutes I feel fantastic and others I just want to cry. I imagine it will be like that for a while. Talk soon.

Collateral Damage

I haven't really felt like blogging lately. My mind hasn't been in the best place. I found out from the GP a fortnight ago that I had more than sprained my knee. I had torn something in my knee and needed to be referred to a specialist. A week later I saw the specialist who confirmed that I have torn my Medial Collateral Ligament and strained my Posterior Cruciate Ligament  The GP had been a little wrong in his diagnosis of a torn meniscus but not as incorrect as the GP who told me it was just a sprain and sent me on my merry way.

Thankfully after five days of little improvement I took myself back to the doctor to get a second opinion. Who knows how long I could have been walking around thinking my knee was sprained. Unfortunately for me this kind of tear must be operated on, it tore where it joined my bone and has rolled down on itself, I have to have surgery to unroll the ligament and reattach it to the bone. This all has to be done within around four weeks of the tear before the ligament starts healing to itself (another reason I was lucky I went back to the doctor). So this Wednesday I go under the knife. Unfortunately this ligament cannot be repaired via arthroscopic surgery (key hole) as the ligament is wide and not located in the knee joint, I will have to have a little square cut in my leg. I have to stay overnight in hospital, take at least a week off work and spend 6-8 weeks in a knee brace. 

meet Buddy, my companion for the next few months :(
we don't always get along

Along with the usual life pressures this has challenged my mood and I have been a little grumpy and sad. I am scared about surgery, about the pain and about waking up from antiseptic but I know it needs to be done. I just want Wednesday to hurry up and be over already. Wednesday will be four weeks since my crash and I want to start seeing an improvement. I have only been wearing my brace for six days and I am already so sick of it and I haven't had to wear it to bed yet which I expect to after surgery. I am tired of the pains in my back, hips and calves and I just want to stretch. I am not looking forward to arriving at the hospital at 7.30am and not being able to have even a sip of water. I drink a lot of water, this is going to kill me! But it may do a nice job of distracting me from thinking about surgery. 

I have the best surgeon, he is just awesome and I am confident everything will be just fine. After all he does this stuff three days a week. My knee is to him what Microsoft Word is to me, second nature. Every man and his dog seems to have had surgery done on one of the four ligaments in their knee and have been telling me it takes forever to heal and a lot of physiotherapy, damn it I just want to bend my darn leg already. I am yet to find someone else who has torn their MCL and the surgeon said he has only seen one other tear to this ligament before. Great, I seriously am the most uncoordinated weirdo ever born!

So if my coming posts have a slightly negative style, this is probably why. But hey, I am only human and everyone feels crappy once in a while. Getting my wedding photos would surely lift my mood but nope still no photos :( Maybe if the husband makes me pancakes and buys me a camera I will feel better! Anyway thank you for joining my pity party I look forward to talking soon...hopefully I will be in a better mood! I will endeavour to use my time away from work to read all of the books I have started and have been meaning to read, that sounds nice and positive, look at me I am setting goals!

Latest Lustings

Every birthday and Christmas I am asked what would I like, I usually respond with not much at all, I tend to buy things myself if I want them. Only recently I realised that that was a lie, I often find things I really really want but don't buy because it's not financially logical to waste money on this or that. Here is the latest stuff I really really really want!

I have wanted a wiz bang new camera for ages but now that my current camera has basically carked it, I want a wiz bang camera even more. I was lucky enough to take my mum's reasonably wiz bang camera to Thailand recently and now I don't want to travel again until I can get my own wiz bang camera, my current one is six years old and pretty dated plus I need sticky tape to hold it together! So please Alex or some present fairies buy me a wiz bang camera!! 

I also reasonably desperately would like a video camera, I hate to think of all the awesome moments passing us by that haven't been caught on video. Although a camera is my first priority, when little kidlets come to the scene down the track I must have a video camera. And with a decent handful of nieces and nephews now I could really do with a video camera already.

OMG who wouldn't love to have these earrings? as well as every other pair form downthatlittlelane.com.au. They have some of the greatest earrings I have ever seen. Not to mention pretty much everything else that they sell. Finally, something on my must have list that wont cost thousands of dollars! 

I have wanted a KitchenAid Mixer since I was a little girl and who knew they had a hot pink one? Now I want one even more. One day I will own a KitchenAid Mixer as well as the awesome pasta attachment.

Okay so I think I have determined that I have expensive tastes, no wonder I never have any present ideas when people ask! Let my aim be to post again with cheaper must haves.

Talk soon,

You're either about to fall or you have just fallen

The saying goes that there are two types of cyclists, those who have just fallen or those who are about to fall. Well having bought my bike in September last year I didn't really consider myself a cyclist, I merely used my bike to commute to and from work each day. It's convenient, efficient and healthy, why wouldn't I!  I was just starting to want to go riding with friends on the weekends or group rides after work and felt as though although I was reluctant I was starting to enjoy cycling as an activity, shock horror! 

me with my bike when I bought it 6 months ago

It turns our since September I was the cyclist about to fall. I didn't really think I was ever going to fall badly, my ride to work wasn't very dangerous being mostly along a flat bike track and it was a short ride so the likelihood of falling seemed pretty slim to me. I knew it would probably happen eventually but I wasn't too scared, I know plenty of people who fall off their bikes and they never hurt themselves too much. But Wednesday last week I had my first wake up call and unfortunately for me it wasn't a small fall, not the kind where you brush yourself off and continue on your merry path a little embarrassed. My fall was the kind where you end laying in the middle of the road with your belongings strewn everywhere, embarrassed but not being able to do anything about it. Luckily for me a kind lady stopped and helped me, she didn't have much choice I was sitting in the middle the road, she could hardly go around me! 

I had been recording my rides on my Strava app on my iPhone and each day I was trying to record faster and faster speeds down the two hills in my route. I must admit, one day I recorded 56km/h and I was getting pretty pleased with myself and a becoming a little bit of a dare devil. Well that came back to bite me, severely, on the knee. The morning of Wednesday 13 February 2013 I prepared myself for my morning ride to work in my usual way, I went outside and checked the weather, it had been raining (after some really hot and dry weather) but it had stopped so I decided to ride, I always prefer to ride to work but hate getting too wet with the whole day ahead of me so I avoid it if it is raining. At 7.35am I set off down my street, I live at number 13, I crashed outside number 1! Yes I travelled the distance of six houses before completely stacking it, could this crash get any more embarrassing!

my super steep street

As I was going down the hill my speed was building up, the hill ends in a turn so I have to brake going downhill to correct my speed in preparation for the corner. As I was approaching the corner I knew I was going too fast to make it safely around the corner on my own side of the road, I could see there was no traffic in sight so decided to cut across onto the other side of the road. I could see a manhole lid in the road but I knew it was too late to try and dodge it in the wet as I would only fall, I hit the manhole lid and hoped for the best, the bike wobbled for a second, then bam I went down on my right side. My foot left the pedal (if only I had clipless pedals) and my knee bent with my foot facing behind me. The inner part of my knee, leg and foot hit the road as well as the back of my shoulder and my head. I then slid along the road for a few meters with the rest of me still holding onto the bike. My handle bar, pedal and seat also took some of the fall. This all seemed to happen in slow motion and if felt like I could see it happening before it happened. At one point I realised my head was sliding uncomfortable across the bitumen, this really scared me, thank god for my helmet.

I finally stopped sliding and I was sort of tangled up in my bike. I took my backpack off, wiggled out from underneath my bike and tried to sit up. My knee was killing me, I was in a bit of shock, then I realised my ear phones were still in my ears with my music still going (no this did not contribute to my accident whatsoever!). James Blunt was singing You're Beautiful, exactly those lyrics, in my ears. At this point in time, this was the most annoying thing ever, I angrily ripped the ear phones from my ears feeling a lot less than beautiful.  All chance of that song being featured in our wedding video is gone, I am not sure it will ever be the same for me! 

the base of the street before the intersection and where I crashed

I could see a car coming down the road but I didn't even try to move, I knew they would stop. The car pulled over, a kind young lady walked over to me and said 'did you just crash?', (nah I just thought I would sit in the middle of the road with my bike like a derelict) I shouldn't be so mean she really was super amazing. She got my bike, backpack, drink bottle and earphones which were all strewn across the road for me, then she helped me up. I stood up, leaning against the traffic barrier and assessed my body, I had the littlest tiniest cut on my finger, for some reason this was my biggest concern. She stayed beside me talking to me about bike accidents etc. I called Alex, I could still see our house but there was no way I was walking, he drove down to me. The kind lady stayed with me the whole time, even though she clearly had to get to work. Alex parked the car, I hopped in and burst into tears while he walked my bike back up to the house then returned to get me. The super kind lady left, the garbage truck went pass, the drivers staring at me, again like I was some derelict. Alex took me home and I managed to hop to the couch and started shaking and crying because my knee was absolutely killing me to the point where I felt sick, I called mum and work and then cried some more. 

my helmet, without it I think I would be dead

I managed to limp into a medical centre at 9am to see a doctor who prodded and twisted my leg, told me I had sprained my knee and I should just walk on it and it will heal over time. Off I went to work, in agony. The damage to my knee is now a whole other story. So there you have the details of my crash, I am not sure when I will get back on my bike and how I will feel about it but we will just have to wait and see. Please if you ride a bike or any other mode of transport, slow down and drive to the conditions, this was way too scary and painful but could have been a lot worse!

Talk soon

 

Anyone for some concrete?

You may have noticed after a long weekend of blogging I was a little quiet the weekend just gone. Well my mind (and body) were not in the best place. I injured myself in a bike crash last week (more on that to come) and was limping around in pain for three days at work, add an extra stressful working week and I wasn't the nicest girl to be around. I figured I wouldn't force my nasty mood onto anyone who didn't have to listen to me, hence I refrained from blogging. Sitting at the computer desk was also not the most comfortable either. 

me grumpy after a very wet ride home a few months back!

Is my mind much better a week later? No, not really. To be honest, I need to swallow a cup of concrete and harden up. Limping around for week is really nothing to be upset about compared to what others have to deal with. Alex told me yesterday that I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. But in my defence, I am getting extremely frustrated with the amount of time it takes to do the most simple things and my muscles are aching and begging for a stretch because I am walking differently and carrying my weight differently. If I could just sink into some amazing yoga stretches for the hamstrings and hips I would feel so much better but with a knee that barely bends or straightens this is kind of impossible, sometimes I am so agitated I just want to chop my leg off. 

a very fat and ugly knee of mine

I am off to the doctor tomorrow to get the final verdict on this knee of mine, is it just a simple sprain or have I done something more serious? After throwing a heap of money at the doctor and a machine I might just find out it is merely a sprain in which case I will feel rather silly and embarrassed, and all sympathy from Alex will be out the window from that point forward. But of course that would be the best outcome. Having never had a sprained knee before I am not sure how long it should take to recover and regain the movement of my leg. Having sprained my ankles numerous times they usually heel up to normal walking point within 3-4 days with pain continuing for specific movements for a few weeks depending on the severity of the sprain. Well I currently cannot straighten my leg or bend it at more than a right angle and twisting is out of the question. I have been limping for a week and my calf muscle is pinching and aching, I think from walking differently. 

Anyway I will find out tomorrow and maybe then my mood might get better, at least then I will know what I am dealing with. 

Talk soon,

P.S. we should get our wedding photos very soon, plus our printed coffee table book which I am really excited about! It is the book that is holding it everything up but I am sure it will be worth the wait.

Marge, Marge, the rains aren't here!

Yes you read that correctly, the rains AREN'T here and boy does poor little Tassie need some rain. Our little island state of Tasmania has been battling bushfires on and off across the last two months. Our weather conditions have been hot and windy and with plenty of dry vegetation to burn, once a fire has started it has been difficult to stop. With Hobart reaching its highest temperature ever recorded on 4 January conditions were bound to get worse. Fire fighters from far and wide have pulled together and defended the homes and lives of the locals, and they really have done a fantastic job but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be behind us yet. 

A bushfire rages through the Lake Repulse / Meadowbank area, as seen from the village of Hamilton, Tasmania, 4 January 2013

I am shocked every time I turn on the news to hear that another fire has sparked up somewhere across the state, although they don't all turn out to be as bad as the worst it is still devastating to here. To think that some of these fires are deliberately lit absolutely disgusts me and sometimes those who light these fires never get caught. Why someone would do such a terrible thing astounds me, I just can't understand it. What I wish would come to such people is not appropriate for me to say but no doubt they will never get the wake up call they truly deserve.

Yesterday I found myself complaining that my washing on the line would smell like smoke, then I gave myself a virtual slap in the face for being so selfish and ungrateful. My problem was pathetic compared to the people who were worrying about their own homes or the fire fighters putting themselves in harms ways defending these homes. I can't imagine how hot and physically and emotionally difficult it must be to fight a fire. 

A bushfire smoke plume is visible from Park Beach in Forcett, south-east of Hobart, the state's capital

So please take this time to spare a thought for those under threat by these fires, or who have already suffered from the fires last month, or those whose family members continue to go and fight the fires day after day, or those even making sandwiches for the fire fighters, anyone involved in fighting these fires deserves our thoughts and our thanks. In the meantime all we can do is pray to mother nature for less wind and more rain. Lucky for me in my inner suburban home I have nothing to worry about but not everyone is that lucky. 

Talk soon,